why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
