I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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