if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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