i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
