Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
