dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
