Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
