Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
