whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there's paper in my vomit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
