Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
