he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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