i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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