May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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