you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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