wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
