you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
