he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
