Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
