You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
