I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
