Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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