Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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