I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
