i think i have herpe
just one?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
