M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
