Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
