I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
