forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
