brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
