Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
