Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
