Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
