i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
