nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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