I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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