I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
