I look better un-naked...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
