One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
