I need to stop coming to work sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I still have a little drunk in my system
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
