you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
