Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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