dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
