I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
