my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is wine microwaveable?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
