One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
