what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
