did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
