what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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