He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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