dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
