I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
