Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
