11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's never too late to be topless.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
