I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
