There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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