I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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