Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
