Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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