did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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