he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
