i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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