i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
