i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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