So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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