My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
