i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
