I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize