Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
