i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
